He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
