I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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