from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
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