8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
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