there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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