im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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