Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Randomize
