I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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