sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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