he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
