i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
we should paint friendship bongs
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