The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
