You're completely useless in the revolution.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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