thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
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If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
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I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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