I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
