Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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