You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
