I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
