I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
