From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
