You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Ketchup is God's man juice
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
