I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
