I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
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I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
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you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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