i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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