i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
