I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
