I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
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I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
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that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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