He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
