I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Send help, water and tortillas.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
