I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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