i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Help. Why am I so naked?
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