in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
