i was rollin on her like bob the builder
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
