You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
