You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
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We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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