My hair reeks of homosexuality.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
And then he peed in my hair
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
