My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
