i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
