Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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