I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
