So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
