if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
