the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
