Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
