Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
