I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
