capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I don't deserve a penis
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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