There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
