I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
