Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
