I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
