New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize