I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
