What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
