Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
there is puke in my bra ... again
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
