Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
where are you?
Hypothermia
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
