You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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