the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
wrigley field is MILF paradise
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
