The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
