I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
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He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
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I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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