Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
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Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
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The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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