all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
