Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I love having hate sex.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Come share oat with me in your robe
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
