I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
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I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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