Well douche your snatch and let's go!
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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