my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
