Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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