After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
