we have pet lesbian snakes
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
