New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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