I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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