peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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