I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
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