Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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