I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
