too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
