well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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