he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
