I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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