You're so nebulous sometimes
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
