apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
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Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
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You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
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