He asked to "fluff my boner.."
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
