he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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