I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
