i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
