can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize