My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
