I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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