whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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